Summary of Tannen's Theory

MEN	WOMEN
Striving for status in a hierarchical social order where they are either one-up or one-down	Striving for intimacy
Trying to protect themselves from others influence and from getting pushed down	Trying to protect themselves from being pushed away
Goal to get and keep the upper hand	Goal is to establish connection by having intimate knowledge
Asymmetry is an element of status Symmetry creates equality and community	We are separate and different We are close and the same
Report talk preserves independence	Rapport talk gets at the connection and the relationship
Public speaking	Private speaking
Mistake laments for requests for advice	Laments are part of rapport talk
Conversations are a competition	Conversations are negotiations for closeness
Conflict is accepted, sought out, enjoyed	Conflict is a threat to connection and is to be settled without direct confrontation
Struggle to be strong	Struggle to keep the community strong
Jockey for position and compete for floor time	Accommodate their conversation style and yield the floor
See interruptions as a struggle for control	See interruptions as part of rapport talk because it shows participation and support
Comfortable giving information and speaking authoritatively	Comfortable supporting others and cautious about stating information
Home is a sanctuary where you don’t have to talk	Home is a sanctuary where you can say what you want
Practiced his whole life dismissing his thoughts and keeping them to himself	Practiced her whole life verbalizing her thoughts in private conversations with people she is close to
Want to be the protector because it is the dominant role	Become the protected which is the subordinate role
Masculine talk is associated with leadership and authority	Talking with leadership and authority is being a bitch
Powerful speech is confident	Powerless speech hedges, hesitates, and apologizes